Amusing Quotes

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Stumbled across a few whilst on my travels. These made me smile:

Peter Kay! "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'"

"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me."

Dean Martin - "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."

"If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?"

Well it is Friday and it certainly is bollocks!

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Churchill's is better than Dean martin's quote on being drunk

One night in the House of Commons, Churchill, after imbibing a few drinks, stumbled into Bessie Braddock, a corpulent Labourite member from Liverpool. An angry Bessie straightened her clothes and addressed the British statesman.

"Winston," she roared. "You are drunk, and what’s more, you are disgustingly drunk."

Churchill, surveying Bessie, replied, "And might I say, Mrs. Braddock, you are ugly, and what’s more, disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow," Churchill added, "I shall be sober."

"They couldn't hit an

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance."

-- Major General John Sedgwick (shortly before he was killed by a Confederate sniper)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Sedgwick

...

Dorothy Parker and Clare Booth Luce come to a door at the same time. Luce steps aside, saying: "Age before beauty". Parker walks through the door, saying: "...and pearls before swine."

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